My basketball article

I wrote this article for my bball team at xavier (im a jr)  i just wanna have a review or two to see everyone's opinion and what i can do to improve.  thanks


Hendra Who?
By Dylan Kitts
   Heading into the 2007-2008, the Xavier Knights and head coach Joe McGrane are facing a common problem in high school/collegiate athletics – replacing the standout senior.  Last year they enjoyed a 21-6 record, along with an impressive 15-3 league record (with losses to Bishop Ford and Mount St. Michael).  Although the Knights had impressive depth, they were led by senior star Nick Hendra, 2nd-team all state and 3rd team All City.  He was the team’s primary source for scoring and tenacious defense. 
   Although the talk around the league is that the Knights will struggle, I see things developing differently.  As described by senior forward Javier Novell, “This year’s team is young, scrappy and exciting.”  They play the famous Princeton style offense, which was prominent in John Thompson III’s Georgetown’s run to the Final Four a year ago.  The Knights also feature an aggressive man-to-man defense.  This will be the trademark of this year’s team.  As junior sharp-shooter Chris Coyne states, “Defense has become the main focus because that is what wins games championships.”
   The Knights are also looking to senior Conor Monaghan to help fill the void left by Hendra’s graduation.  Monaghan helped represent New York City at the annual Empire State Games, where he served as a second scoring option to Holy Cross superstar Sylvan Landesberg, who will be playing at the University of Virginia next fall.  The team won an impressive gold medal, edging out Hudson Valley 76-75.  Conor expects the competition in the CHSAA to be just as fierce: “There are so many good teams and players in our league.  It’s kind of hard to determine who will be the best team or win the division this year.”  If you haven’t seen Monaghan play, you will be pleasantly surprised.  He emulates NBA MVP Dirk Nowitzki: “I try to work hard like he does, play to the best of my ability at all times, and to help make my teammates better players.”     
   Although the team has unquestionable talent, the inexperience at the varsity level may hurt the Knights.  When asked for the main difference between this year’s and last year’s team, both Monaghan and Novell stated the same thing – the youth.  Almost half of the team are juniors who are transitioning from the Junior Varsity to Varsity.  As one of those transitioning players Coyne claims, “The speed and strength of the players on varsity are the biggest differences.”  The inexperience of the team will cause some mental errors.  For example, in the very busy Princeton offense, the team may become impatient with finding the open man and therefore not run plays all the way through.   
   The team’s inexperience may be seen as a weakness, but it can also be a benefit.  It forces the team to rally together to create a potent chemistry.  As Novell states, “Last year we were led by a few good players, and this year there really is more chemistry.”  This will prove to be essential as the season wears on and the team faces adversity. 
   Even though he’s at American University, Hendra still impacts the team today.  As Monaghan points out, “Playing with [Hendra] taught me how to be willing to step up to take a big shot or help make a play to contribute to a victory.”  With that said and the team’s desire to capture a championship, I believe the Knights will have a victorious season.  I predict the team will finish with as many as 18 wins, but will not be enough to overtake Hofstra bound Chaz Williams and the rest of Bishop Ford.

Its pretty good. Obviously like all we are subject to criticism and I would like to point out a few things I noticed.

There were a few sentence structure issues that could improve the flow of your article. In the second paragraph you were a bit choppy in expressing your thoughts. "They play the famous Princeton style offense, which was prominent in John Thompson III’s Georgetown’s run to the Final Four a year ago.  The Knights also feature an aggressive man-to-man defense.  This will be the trademark of this year’s team." Here are three choppy sentences in a row that you can condense into a more well structured sentence.

A trademark for this Knights team will be an aggressive man to man defense countered with running the famous Princeton style offense which propelled John Thompson III's and his Georgetown team to a Final Four run just a year ago.

Notice 3 sentences made into 1.

I think there is a lot of this you can do throughout your essay to improve the flow. Also make sure you focus on a point as you seem to jump around from topic to topic a bit. Focus in on last years team then the differences from this years team, and then finally you can focus on individual players. You were a bit repetitive in stating the team's inexperience see the beginning of the 3rd and 2nd to last paragraphs as the first sentences are very similar.

It's very good first draft, you have some very good points and quotes but you need to fine tune and restructure. Hopefully you will be a future Johnny Jungle writer someday.

i would like to one up you jj haha

but i think it would sound better like this

A trademark for this Knights team will be an aggressive man to man defense countered with John Thompson III's Princenton style offense, which propelled Georgetown to their Final Four run just a year ago.

i would like to one up you jj haha

but i think it would sound better like this

A trademark for this Knights team will be an aggressive man to man defense countered with John Thompson III's Princenton style offense, which propelled Georgetown to their Final Four run just a year ago.

Yea but that totally changes the meaning of the sentence as if John Thompson III invented the Princeton style offense or they are using his exact variation of the Princeton style offense. The way Dylan worded his essay I would assume they are running a Princeton style offense and he references the success it could have by mentioning JT3 and Georgetown.

touche

You don't have to mention John Thompson III in that sentence, though-- brevity almost always enhances readability in an article (unless you completely lose the point).  I think it's really good.  Two possible tweaks/ suggestions if you want 'em:

"Although the Knights had impressive depth, they were led by senior star Nick Hendra, 2nd-team all state and 3rd team All City. "  I think the although works but is slightly misleading-- makes me think you're going to say although they had depth they didn't have good depth; "although" imples that a negative is coming.  Maybe try "The Knights had impressive depth but were led by senior star..."

"For example, in the very busy Princeton offense, the team may become impatient with finding the open man and therefore not run plays all the way through."  I think just for brevity you can remove "therefore" from the sentence.  You may also want to add a few words about what makes the offense so busy (the constant movement, or something like that). 

But it's really good.   

I agree with everything Peter had to say as well

one thing: when you quote somebody you dont need a colon in front of it.  just make it sa separate sentence and add "says Monaghan" at the end of the quote. 

on a sort of related note: hendra had some SERIOUS ups for a caucasion fella.  was very inconsistent though. monaghan is ok i did see him play at the ESG's and also at a team camp but i forget which one.  a bit of a tweener.

Keep yo head up kid. Got some talent wit the words.

thanks a lot everyone for the input.  i think my article was pretty solid.  i'm going to give in my final copy monday.  i'm glad (it seems like ) all of you enjoyed it.  

the reason why i'm brief about things is because i had a limit of only a pg and a half.  i went over that by a half pg.  i could have made this article 3 pgs if i really wanted too..

i'll post my final copy before i hand it in monday if all of u wouldn't mind

here's my updated verison.  any input again would be great.

Hendra Who?
By Dylan Kitts
   Heading into the 2007-2008, the Xavier Knights and head coach Joe McGrane are facing a common problem in high school/collegiate athletics – replacing the standout senior.  Last year they enjoyed a 21-6 record, along with an impressive 15-3 league record (with losses to Bishop Ford and Mount St. Michael).  Although the Knights had impressive depth, they were led by senior star Nick Hendra, 2nd-team all state and 3rd team All City.  He was the team’s primary source for scoring and tenacious defense. 
   To replicate their success from last year, the Knights have had beneficial but very grueling practices throughout the month of November.  As senior Tim Cochrane adds, “Practices are hard, always have been, always will be. That is what makes Mr. McGrane such a good coach.”  Aside from the practices, Xavier has also prepared by scheduling seven scrimmages, including a game against AA St. Francis Prep who had an impressive 16-9 record.  Although these games don’t count in the win-loss total, they are essential when preparing for the regular season.  As Coach McGrane states, “It gives us time to work on different plays, defenses, and combinations.  It also gives the players a chance to show us what they can do in real game situations.”   
The talk around the league, however, is that the Knights will struggle.  I see things developing differently.  As described by senior forward Javier Novell, “This year’s team is young, scrappy, and exciting.”  A trademark for this Knights’ team will be an aggressive man-to-man defense countered with running the famous Princeton style offense, which propelled John Thompson III’s Georgetown team to the Final Four last year.  Even though the Princeton offense is hard for players to grasp because of the constant motion, the passing, and the backdoor cuts, McGrane emphasizes defense most.  As junior sharp-shooter Chris Coyne states, “Defense has become the main focus because that is what wins championships.”
   On the offensive side of the ball, Knights will be looking to senior Conor Monaghan to help fill the void left by Hendra’s graduation.  Monaghan represented New York City at the annual Empire State Games, where he served as a second scoring option to Holy Cross superstar Sylvan Landesberg, who will be playing at the University of Virginia next fall.  The team won an impressive gold medal, edging out Hudson Valley 76-75.  Conor expects the competition in the CHSAA to be just as fierce: “There are so many good teams and players in our league.  It’s kind of hard to determine who will be the best team or win the division this year.”
   Although the team has unquestionable talent, the inexperience at the varsity level may hurt the Knights.  When asked for the main difference between this year’s and last year’s team, both Monaghan and Novell stated the same thing – the youth.  Almost half of the team is juniors who are transitioning from the Junior Varsity to Varsity.  As one of those transitioning players Coyne claims, “The speed and strength of the players on varsity are the biggest differences.”  The inexperience of the team could cause impatience and resulting turnovers.  But inexperience does have its benefits.  It has forced the team to rally together to create a potent chemistry.  As Novell states, “Last year we were led by a few good players, and this year there really is more chemistry.”  This will prove to be essential as the season wears on and the team faces eventual adversity.  Already, before the season has opened, the injury bug has bitten the Knights.  Stephen Oliver has an MCL sprain, Conor Monaghan a high ankle sprain, and Chris Coyne back spasms.  They should all be healed by the season opener.
   Even though he’s at American University, Hendra still impacts the team today.  As Monaghan points out, “Playing with [Hendra] taught me how to be willing to step up to take a big shot or help make a play to contribute to a victory.”  With that said and the team’s desire to capture a championship, I believe the Knights will have a victorious season.  I predict the team will finish with as many as 18 wins, but that will not be enough to overtake Hofstra bound Chaz Williams and the rest of Bishop Ford.

keep it up bud you got some talent there

nice to see you took tidbits from my suggestion

you misspelled Sylven Landesberg but other than that it looks very good.

randomhero-

xavier is a great high school.  you should have the opportunity to choose from many good colleges when the time comes.

i believe you are in the company with the one and only PMG911 as Xavier attendees!

countered with running the famous Princeton style offense which propelled John Thompson III's and his Georgetown team to a Final Four run just a year ago.

That, not which.